Your older child constantly annoys the sibling and pulls the cat by the tail? Here are 5 parenting tips that can solve such problems.
Consistency, a lot of love, and a good dose of self-confidence – the most important parenting strategies actually sound very simple, but they are not always easy to apply.
Even if you have already said “no” three times, does it not help at all? And to top it all off, does your daughter call you into the room at least three more times after going to bed because she still needs this and that?
We have put together five tips that can help with many common parenting difficulties. Above all, however, you have to trust yourself to get the problems with your kids under control.
A positive mood and a dose of confidence are really important. Don’t be too shy, talk to other parents and ask for advice if you don’t know what to do next.
1. Give your child loving attention
The time with the parents, the so-called quality time, is clearly decisive for the upbringing. Mom and dad times are important for the child, it has to know that it is loved infinitely, with all its little “quirks” and in spite of the supposed “little mistakes”.
After all, these make you kind of a very special person. Have a look around. Do you know adults who have no rough edges?
If you have several children, in particular, you should try to make time for each child individually.
Some children long for those times when mom and dad belong only to them. Also, show your child physically how much they mean to you.
Above all, quality counts before quantity! If your children know perfectly well that there is “mom or dad time” and trust that they will really get the attention.
You can convince them much more easily to postpone the mom time in case something unforeseen in between comes.
2. Disregard unwanted behavior
Your child does not want to eat his bread at all, just pulls the topping off?
Don't make the mistake of insisting that the bread be eaten - don't run after your child and draw even more attention to the undesirable behavior.
Instead, try to turn the tables: Eat a piece of bread with relish with your partner. But don’t offer your child any of it, they may want to try it after all. If that doesn’t help either, let it be done first.
The same applies to aggression, by the way: Is your dwarf currently in the phase in which the attempt is made to assert one’s own thick head with hitting and scratching?
Put your poison dwarf off your arm for a short time so that it is clear that nothing will be achieved with such “strategies”. Say briefly and clearly “No, that hurts!”.
3. Stay consistent, even when it’s tough!
Consistency is good, but not at any price either. Your child needs to learn that there are certain rules to be followed and that certain behavior has certain consequences.
Remain predictable and actually implement the announced consequences.
If your child has thrown sand at the neighboring child on the playground for the third time despite a clear “no”, you have to carry out the previously threatened consequences.
Grab your bully, tell him or her clearly: “Because you kept throwing sand, although I have forbidden it, we will now go home as announced!”.
Please don’t make the mistake and continue to impose penalties that have nothing to do with the immediate situation.
For example, don’t impose a TV ban if your child has painted the wooden table despite the ban. Rather, let your child swing the rag themselves, as a logical consequence.
Incidentally, this also applies to siblings who spread disorder together, so cleaning must also be done together. Even if you have to do it again afterwards – this method is a lot more effective.
4. Trust is the alpha and omega of education
Trust your child that they can do something on their own.
For example, you can nip jealousy of your sibling, aggressive behavior towards your pet and other unpleasant habits in the bud.
Example: “I’m really happy that I already have such a big kindergarten child – you could help me tidy up and clean the rabbit hutch with me …”
If your child feels needed and not left out, it can also cope with it much more easily when it suddenly no longer gets mom’s undivided attention.
Annoying the dog also becomes less attractive if the child is jointly responsible for the pet.
This requires fixed tasks for which the child can be “responsible” (of course, the parents help out when it matters, if only because of the safety of the child and animal).
5. What does your child really want?
Almost every behavior your child displays reveals a “strategy”. It wants to satisfy a wish or a need with it. All you have to do is look carefully.
For example, has your child “learned” that if they pull the cat by the tail, they will get your attention immediately?
Your daughter will probably also have a lot of fun when you run after her with a plate of vegetables because you want her to eat them.
Are you really sure that your son’s pacifier really falls behind the bed every evening? Or does he know very well that you will come when he calls about it and then you spend a little more time with him?
In the rarest of cases should you suspect "bad intent" behind such actions.
It’s more about how your child has already “conditioned” you. In the meantime, your sweet toddler already knows exactly what to do in order for you to pay him attention. If you recognize these “strategies” and see through them, you can look for effective solutions.
Going to bed takes forever again and becomes pure theater? First, the pacifier is missing, then the little sleepyhead has to have another drink and go to the toilet again? Your child is delaying bedtime.
Try it as follows: Do everything together in a ritual, first put the toys to sleep, then brush your teeth, choose your clothes for the next day and, if necessary, look for the pacifier.
Meanwhile, ask your child if they would like some more water or if they need to go to the bathroom again. Extend the bedtime ritual by two minutes with a slightly longer reading story or with cuddling. With this, you can satisfy the need for more attention from mom or dad.